Thursday, May 28, 2009

"Hey, MEAT MAN!"

Today at my new job, some bitch yelled out at me from across the store, "hey meat man!"

I stopped in my tracks. It was the worst way someone has addressed me since I got called a motherfucker and punched in the middle of a Minneapolis street (see a few months back for that one).

She was a short woman with glasses and a black, short, spiky haircut. Her dumb-looking daughter was next to her.

Spikes: Hey meat man!
Me: ... Yeah?
Where's the shrimp at?
Umm... did you check the cooler?
Yeah, the kind I like aren't there. Where's the smaller cocktail shrimp in a bag?
Well, we have them fresh in our counter behind the glass.
No, I want them in a bag. Can you check?

I moseyed on back behind the counter, into the back room. I faked my "check" and took a swig of my Sierra Mist. No way I'm doing this woman any favors.

I told her we were "out," and she stomped off. I hope something happened to her in the parking lot...

British athletics

This is some crazy shit! We need more sporting events like this. People chasing after a 8-lb wheel of cheese...

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Bollywood LOLs

One of the top YouTube videos I've ever seen.

"Benny Lava"

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

The roommate stand-off

It happens quite frequently: one roommate refuses to do something, usually a menial chore, and the ensuing conflict stretches for an extended period of time. Two instances immediately come to mind when thinking of a classic roommate stand-off.

The first example took place in Gilmore this year. Jake refused to clean his room until (in an inebriated state) he gathered all of his trash into three big bags. He then left said bags next to his sink in the bathroom. This sink, by the way, was no treat either; it may or may not have been the root of the H1N1 virus outbreak with its collective grime, stains, and beard shavings.

Jake's "garbage bag conflict" was the talk of the dorm for weeks. Who would take it out? Jake refused to, and none of his roommates would do his work for him. They attempted to strike deals, but neither side could reach an agreement.

Finally, when Jake was in Arizona for a baseball team trip, his roommate Dave threw the bags onto Jake's bed. This was meant to send a message, and that it did: Jake took out the bags as soon as he returned from sunny Arizona.

The second stand-off that recently occurred was at my current residence in Minneapolis; Bryan Cooper, noted for his lazy tendencies, extended his dishes day into a dishes two-weeks. Piled high and reaching critical mold mass, the dishes were hampering the lifestyles of everyone in the house. I had even brought my own dishes, and people were starting to steal my supplies as a result of the clean dish drought. Moral was at an all-time low with residents using plastic cups as cereal bowls and re-using plastic forks multiple times.

Cooper had promised to do the dishes many times throughout the two week period, but every time he managed to slither out of it. He cited class, naps, and even TV shows as reasons why he was not going to do them. Finally, after much verbal abuse, he finally did them. Barely before he left for the week, he went into beast-mode and washed the entire dish collection. It marked a two-week hiatus of chore duty, possibly a new house record.

He didn't leave without leaving his own sly revenge, however; he left all the drying dishes out on the dining room table minutes before he left town. This left Flynn and I to the almost equally-despicable task of putting away the dishes. Damn Cooper. Damn roommate stand-offs... they almost always lead to decreased roommate relations and bitter feelings afterwards.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

"The Wedge" Co-op experience

I moseyed down to Lyndale Avenue the other day looking for a job. I stepped into this organic foods co-op called "The Wedge" and thought I was in Haight-Ashbury. Damn, hippies everywhere!

The place was cool though. The lady I got my application from was like, "it's a nice day outside! Why don't you go fill out your app over on one of our stones?" I walked outside and, lo and behold, there were three perfect stones for sitting on in the middle of a garden. This was right next to the typical hippie bulletin board and bike rack holding 75% of the customers' bikes. I walked out of the place buying a container of tabouli, too. Stuff is good.

I have NOTHING against hippies, I love the way they live and I think their intentions are awesome. They're just funny sometimes!

Thursday, May 7, 2009

I'm here!

I got up to Minneapolis yesterday. Today entails job searching and learning the art of cooking frugally... damn.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Wolverine... sucks.

I saw this movie with two friends the day it came out. We thought it would be packed, but to our surprise the theater only yielded about 50% of its capacity. Was this a sign of things to come?

The whole thing with the Civil War/WW1/WW2/Vietnam War was pretty cool... until I realized that Logan was Canadian and probably wouldn't have been involved in any of those conflicts. I became concerned almost immediately afterwards when I saw Logan, Victor, and their tight little "squad" running up on an African diamond king, and their Asian homie jumps over a fence, spins around like 30 times, shoots about 15 guards and lands like a Dragonball Z character. I then proceed to become VERY concerned when I see RYAN REYNOLDS (you know, that douche from Van Wilder) running around and deflecting... bullets... with his swords. WTF?

I tried to stay positive, but so many things about this movie prompted laughter from our camp. Possibly the most ridiculous scene was when Logan sparked his claws on the ground, started a perfect gasoline fire in a straight line that led to a crashed helicopter, and walked away somehow not noticing the massive explosion behind him. CORNY.

The action is pretty cool, and there are some sweet mutant powers like teleportation, diamond skin, and the tight shit pulled by Creole swindler Remy LeBeau - a.k.a. Gambit. But what was with the CGI? They used it about as much as Star Wars Episode I. Why do lumberjacks need to be computer animated? Why do Wolverine's claws look straight out of a N64 game from 1997?

There are just too many glaring holes to respect this movie. I wanted to enjoy it, believe me... unfortunately, Van Wilder and the N64 claws made that impossible.