Wolverine... sucks.

I saw this movie with two friends the day it came out. We thought it would be packed, but to our surprise the theater only yielded about 50% of its capacity. Was this a sign of things to come?

The whole thing with the Civil War/WW1/WW2/Vietnam War was pretty cool... until I realized that Logan was Canadian and probably wouldn't have been involved in any of those conflicts. I became concerned almost immediately afterwards when I saw Logan, Victor, and their tight little "squad" running up on an African diamond king, and their Asian homie jumps over a fence, spins around like 30 times, shoots about 15 guards and lands like a Dragonball Z character. I then proceed to become VERY concerned when I see RYAN REYNOLDS (you know, that douche from Van Wilder) running around and deflecting... bullets... with his swords. WTF?

I tried to stay positive, but so many things about this movie prompted laughter from our camp. Possibly the most ridiculous scene was when Logan sparked his claws on the ground, started a perfect gasoline fire in a straight line that led to a crashed helicopter, and walked away somehow not noticing the massive explosion behind him. CORNY.

The action is pretty cool, and there are some sweet mutant powers like teleportation, diamond skin, and the tight shit pulled by Creole swindler Remy LeBeau - a.k.a. Gambit. But what was with the CGI? They used it about as much as Star Wars Episode I. Why do lumberjacks need to be computer animated? Why do Wolverine's claws look straight out of a N64 game from 1997?

There are just too many glaring holes to respect this movie. I wanted to enjoy it, believe me... unfortunately, Van Wilder and the N64 claws made that impossible.